The holiday season is full of connection and generosity. It’s a time when many people feel more open to new friendships and unfortunately, scammers know this. When emotions run high and hearts are hopeful, it becomes easier for someone with bad intentions to slip into the picture. Maybe you’ve received a message from someone online who seems picture-perfect: they share your interests, send sweet messages, and make you feel seen in a magical, movie-moment kind of way. But sometimes, behind the charming words is something far less merry. Romance scams happen more often than most realize and understanding how they work is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and the people you care about this holiday season. Below, we unwrap the five steps scammers often use to take advantage of people.
Step 1: Holiday Greetings!
Most romance scams begin online through dating apps, social media, or even gaming platforms. Scammers show up full of warmth and interest, complimenting you, liking your posts, and sending thoughtful messages that feel special. Their goal? Build trust. Create a bond. Once that happens, the next steps are easier for them to pull off.
Reminder: If someone seems a little too perfect or tries to move conversations to private channels right away, pause because scammers often want to isolate you.
Step 2: Deepening the Connection
Once trust is established, scammers try to take advantage of your emotions. They may share stories of hardship, loss, or struggles, something designed to tug at your heartstrings during an already emotional time of year. They may even mirror your experiences to feel relatable and comforting.
Reminder: Healthy relationships, online or offline take time to grow. If someone you barely know is expressing deep feelings faster than normal, it’s okay for you to step back and say this is moving too quickly.
Step 3: The Emergency
This is where the scammer introduces a sudden “crisis.” It might be a medical emergency, last-minute travel issue, or financial setback. The story is designed to spark empathy and holiday goodwill. They’ll frame it in a way that you are the only one who can help.
Reminder: Anyone who pressures you for money, gift cards, or personal info, especially with urgency, is likely a scammer. Scammers thrive on empathy, be sure to stop and think before sending any gifts.
Step 4: The Ask For Help
After the emergency is shared, they then will ask for help. It might be money, gift cards, wire transfers, or personal information. It can start small just enough to seem harmless, then grow into larger, guilt driven appeals.
- “You’re the only one I can count on.”
- “Please don’t tell anyone, I’m embarrassed.”
- “I just want to get them a nice gift this Christmas.”
These tactics prey on compassion and generosity.
Reminder: A genuine partner will never insist on secrecy about money or personal matters. If something feels off, trust your instincts.
Step 5: The Disappearance
Once the scammer gets what they want or senses hesitation, they may disappear entirely, block you, or shift to heavier emotional manipulation to keep the funds coming.
Remember: their goal is always personal gain at your expense. Scammers are persistent and skilled at what they do. When in doubt, turn to friends, family, or someone you trust, who can offer clarity when emotions cloud judgment.
How to Protect Yourself This Holiday Season
- Verify Profiles: Use reverse image search on Google to check for duplicates. With the growth of AI-generated images, this step is more important than ever.
- Slow Down: Relationships, especially meaningful ones, take time.
- Stay Connected: Let close friends or family know if you meet someone online. Connection is one of the best protections.
- Report Suspicious Activity: The FTC and local authorities can help track and investigate scams.
Falling for a romance scam doesn’t make you naïve, it makes you human. Scammers manipulate emotions, not intelligence. By learning how these scams work, you’re giving yourself the gift of awareness and protection this holiday season.